Family separation and divorce is difficult to live with, especially during Christmas and the holiday season. Remembering past memories and good times can take an emotional toll on an already tough time. Christmas can also create extra tension and anxiety as separated and divorced parents try to negotiate time together, presents and school holiday care.
The most important thing to remember is that holidays like Christmas are special times for children and your kids deserve to have fun and celebrate.
1. Plan Ahead
Work things out with your ex well before the holidays to help avoid assumptions and disagreements. If possible try to avoid the kids having to visit both parents the same day. This will avoid a lot of stress and tiredness for both you and your children. Don’t forget to also keep your extended family in the loop.
2. Stay in Touch
If you don’t have your children for the holidays make sure you stay in touch. Call, send a text message or email them so they know you’re thinking of them on this special day. Consider celebrating the holiday before or after the actual day. Having two Christmas celebrations for the children is often a positive solution for extended families. This arrangement reinforces for the kids that they have two homes and cements new family rituals and holiday customs.
If your children are with you, encourage them to call and speak with their other parent and offer them some quiet time and privacy to do so.
3. The Art of Gift-Giving
Try to coordinate what gifts will be given with the other parent. This will ensure that duplicate or inappropriate gifts won’t be given. Allow your child to take gifts that you bought to their other parent's house. Conversely, if your child brings home a new toy be respectful and let them take it back to the other parent’s home if they choose.
4. The Holidays are Not a Competition
Reinforce the true meaning of the holidays to your children. Do not compete with your ex over who can buy the best presents or take the kids on the most expensive holiday. Encourage your children to enjoy, love, and have fun no matter who they spend the holidays with.
5. Keep Your Word
Stick to your arranged schedule and follow through on whatever promises you make related to the holidays. Simple things like making sure you arrive on time and drop off the children on time are extremely important.
7. Give Your Child Permission to Love Both Parents
Especially during the holidays, keep any bitterness you still feel over the divorce between you and your ex. Be as generous as you can with your kids about their relationships with their ex and the rest of the family. Encourage them to talk about the gifts they received and activities they engaged in with other family members they see over the holidays. Let them know they can show happiness with both parents. Help your children shop for the other parent, as well as their siblings, grandparents, or stepparent.
8. Include the Kids In Your Planning
Whenever it’s reasonable, let your children help make the choices about when and where to celebrate the holidays, and with whom. But before asking their opinions, make it clear that all plans must be cleared with everybody involved. This will help teach your kids to be part of the collaboration between you and your ex.
9. Take Care of Yourself If You’re Alone
Holiday time can trigger a resurgence of memories and mixed feelings, especially if you are surrounded by couples and families. As holidays approach, if you know you’re not going to get to see your kids, be sure to make your own special plans for the day.
10. Nurture Your Blended Family at the Holidays
If you are in a new relationship and your new partner has children, they will undoubtedly have their own ideas about how to celebrate holidays and birthdays. Discuss with your new partner ways that you can bring together the children from both sides of the family, and get all the kids involved with planning what you’ll do together and incorporating everyone’s traditions.
Related articles:
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10 Tips To Help Divorced Parents Survive The Holidays
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Useful Tips To Help Support Your Children Through Their First Christmas As A Separated Family
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Understanding Children of Separation and Divorce Feelings During Christmas And The Holidays
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