Parenting is one of the hardest jobs in the world and successful co-parenting with someone whom you are in high conflict with is even harder! Consider some of the following suggestions to help make things a little easier:
- Keep discussions with your former partner focused on the best interest of your children
Don't get into debates over who is right or wrong, or bring up old issues or arguments. Stick to the topic and to making good decisions for your children.
- If communication is difficult try using different tools
Sometimes face-to-face contact and phone calls can be very difficult. Try email or a tool like the Two Homes Organiser. These types of tools can be extremely helpful in removing the emotion from communication and sharing information about the children.
- Avoid reacting to your former partner if they try to start an argument
As hard as this may be if your former partner tries to pick a fight or does something that frustrates or upsets you, do not engage in the situation. Be the bigger person and walk away.
- Find safe and healthy ways to vent your feelings
It's hard work, stressful and emotionally draining dealing with conflict and tension. Surround yourself with a strong support network that can help you to process your feelings and also help you to have fun.
- Don't sweat the small stuff
When things are difficult it's easy for issues to become much bigger than they really are. You will undoubtedly have different ways to doing things, but does it really matter if your ex forgets to pack the kids PJ's!
- Don't discuss issues in front of the children
If you need to talk to the other parent phone or email them. Transitions between homes can be difficult for children and parents, don't use them as a time to discuss information regarding the children.
- Be flexible and willing to compromise
Be aware that changes to your parenting routines are almost certain. Try to be open to changes that are in the best interest of your children. Where possible be flexible, consider how you would like to be treated - you never know when you may need plans to change to suit you!
- Change your expectations
Most parents have certain expectations about how they expect each other to act. Remember that you're no longer a couple and you no longer have the right or ability to expect certain things of your former partner. Stay focused on providing your children with a loving, stable family life.
- Resolve any feelings or issues regarding your former partner
Separated parents who are able to work through their feelings and issues regarding the breakdown of their relationship find it much easier to establish a co-parenting arrangement. If you're finding it hard to move on consider talking to a counsellor or finding some other help that works for you.
- Be supportive of the other parent
It's important that as parents you support each other and don't undermine the others decisions or role they play in your child's life. Be respectful of the other parent and their parenting style - even if it's different than yours!
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