I've Been Divorced For 3 Years But I Still Get Upset At Holidays And Birthdays Is This Normal?
Absolutely! Unfortunately there is no definitive end date when you will no longer feel any feelings about your ex or the end of you relationship. Don't be hard on yourself and allow your emotions to flow. Be aware that you may feel vulnerable around special occasions like birthdays, holidays, anniversaries. It may be helpful to plan ahead and organise to spend time doing something fun with friends or family on these dates.
I Feel Like I Have Moved On But I can't Help Thinking That I Did Something Wrong And That I Won't Find Another Partner, Why can't I Feel Positive For The Future?
Firstly, don't be too hard on yourself! You are only human and doing the best that you can right now. It can take a long time to fully get over a serious relationship and it can often challenge your self-confidence and feelings of self worth.
Many people say they feel guilty, question what they did wrong and wonder if they are in fact worthy of being loved. Acknowledge these feelings and try to release them as they are just thoughts and they don't define you or your future! You're not a bad person and you are loveable and deserve to be loved and to give love. By allowing yourself to feel your feelings, take responsibility for them and learn from them, you will start to see a much happier future.
I Want To Talk To My Former Partner About Our Relationship Is This Healthy?
Expressing your feelings to your former partner in a constructive manner can be extremely healing. It is great to be at the stage where you can acknowledge that you once loved each other and shared something special and both take ownership for the breakdown of your relationship. Be honest with yourself about what you want to achieve. Are you looking for closure, validation, acknowledgement or reconciliation? It's important to learn from the past but it's just as important to not get stuck in it!
You also need to be aware that your former partner may not be at the same stage in the grieving process as you and may be unable to have this discussion. If this is the case, instead maybe write them a letter expressing how you feel.
Each Day I Feel More Happy And Confident About The Future, Does This Mean I'm Finally Off The Roller Coaster?
They say time heals all and sooner or later you will start to notice that you're starting to feel like your old self again. You may find yourself laughing, smiling and seeing the good in things. These are all great signs that you're in the healing phase of your journey - congratulations! This is an exciting new stage in your life, one that is full of new opportunities and happiness. Although you are ready to move on or have already done so, be aware that emotions may resurface from time to time (especially around meaningful dates). This is normal. The quicker you're able to identify and acknowledge them the quicker they will pass.
I'm Finding It Hard To Heal, What Can I Do?
Firstly, Don't be too hard on yourself - healing takes time and everyone's journey is different and involves different issues and timelines. Don't feel guilty that you're finding it hard to move on or feel like you need to rush the process. Continue to go through your process in your own way and pace.
The following suggestions may help you to heal your heart and move forward:
1. Keep A Journal
Many people find it helpful to write down all their thoughts and feelings. This very simple exercise can be extremely healing. it's an opportunity for you to dive into your deepest thoughts and feelings, to express everything without censorship. This level of self-expression can help you to work out who you are, what's important to you and help you to heal.
2. Forgiveness
Being able to forgive yourself and your former partner for the hurt and pain of the breakdown is an important part of the healing process. Forgiveness is freedom! Being able to forgive your former partner doesn't mean that you are saying 'what you did is ok' it simply means that you're no longer willing to carry around the pain associated with their actions. By giving yourself permission to forgive you will feel stronger and gain a greater sense of inner peace.
3. Release Ritual
The end of a relationship is a significant event in anyone's life and it can be useful to celebrate, acknowledge the importance of this. Do something that feels right for you and helps you to release the past. It may be as simple as lighting a candle and burning old love letters, visiting a place that had significance for you both and saying goodbye, or organising an "I'm single and fabulous" party. The simple act of letting go will help you feel re-energised and positive about your future.
Will I Ever Trust Again?
It may not seem so right now but with time you will start to rebuild your trust in yourself and others. it's common for people coming out of a relationship to question their own judgment. You may be questioning if your ex ever truly loved you, how real your relationship was and who you can really trust? Right now you may also feel scared and unsure that you will ever trust anyone again.
Try and remain open and know that this feeling will pass. Just because the relationship is over that doesn't mean that you were wrong to trust him/her and even if you did make a mistake, learn from it and hopefully you won't make it again.
Who Am I?
Sometimes in relationships we put our needs, pleasures, goals and dreams to the side. In a way our identity gets caught up in being part of a couple and when the relationship breaks down you can find yourself asking 'Who am I'. As time passes you will start to feel more secure in yourself and even excited at the prospect of new possibilities and challenges.
This is a great opportunity to go on an exploration of self-discovery.
Click Here To Read Two Homes Ideas On How To Help You Rediscover The True You
I've Been Separated For 12 Months And My Emotions Are Still Up And Down, How Can I Positively Deal With These Emotions?
It's not unusual to feel mixed emotions towards your former partner for months and sometimes years after the end of a relationship.
There are many positive ways to combat these feelings and remain strong:
1. Know That Trips Down Memory Lane Are Inevitable
There will be times when you think about the good and the bad times, the laughter and the tears. Don't fight it, accept that this is part of the process and allow yourself to feel all your emotions.
2. Trust That you're On The Right Track
The end of a relationship brings major change, especially when children are involved. Change can be challenging and is not always easy. Trust that you are on the right track and you're strong and can handle anything that comes your way.
3. Identify The Good, The Bad And The Ugly
It's healthy to acknowledge the reasons why your relationship didn't work. Make a list of all the good and bad characteristics, behaviours and circumstances that made up your relationship. Take time to reflect on these things and recognise what lessons you can learn and take into a new relationship.
4. Take Responsibility For The Role You Played
If a relationship fails, both parties are responsible. This may be hard for you to hear or accept but in any relationship both people are responsible for the health and stability of that relationship. By taking responsibility for the part you played in the breakdown of your relationship and letting go of fault and blame, you can fully let go of the past and move forward, towards a happy future.
5. Grab Your Support Team
Whenever you feel the need reach out to a trusted friend for support and comfort. Often by simply sharing your feelings with someone else the intensity of your emotions will lighten and you will instantly feel better.
6. Look After Yourself
A healthy body promotes a healthy mind. So take extra care and make sure you're getting enough rest, nourishment, exercise and time out.
7. Prioritise Me Time
Take time out to do things you enjoy. Have fun, let your hair down and enjoy the simple pleasures that life has to offer.
8. Be Honest With Yourself About Your Feelings
Take the time to sit with your feelings, what are they really about? What is the issue the source of the discomfort? Is it really about your ex, or something bigger? Often the intensity of our feelings has little to do with the current situation, sometimes feelings, pain and beliefs from past events are triggered heightening our reaction to the current situation. Dig deep and ask yourself where are these feelings coming from, are they familiar? Try and separate the past and the present, by doing so you may find that you're not as upset as you thought you were.
9. Be Grateful For All Your Blessings
Some people find it useful to keep a gratitude journal. Everyday write down all the things you're grateful for. You will quickly see that you have a lot of great things in your life and this will help you to see a positive, fulfilling future.
10. Build Your Self Confidence
Relationship breakups can cause major havoc to your self-esteem. Take the time to get to know yourself and discover what a great person you are! Yes, you!
Once you have rediscovered all your wonderful qualities and skills you will realise that you can live happily without your ex and that true happiness exists within you.
When Will Things Feel Like They're Stable Again?
Many people experience adjustment problems as a result of divorce. Adjustment problems can be as mundane as having to learn how to run a washing machine or they can be as difficult as working out how to relate to the world as a single person.
The end of a relationship creates a large number of changes. With time and a little bit of effort you will manage to work out these issues and things will soon start to feel stable again.
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