Dealing with a family break up around the holidays can be extremely difficult for both separated and divorced parents and their children. To help your kids through this tough time it can be useful to be aware of where your children may be at and some feelings and thoughts they may be having:
- The holiday season can cause excessive changes to children’s normal routines. For many children this can make them feel anxious and stressed.
- Your children may feel caught in the middle as you negotiate who spends what time, with whom and where.
- They may feel resentful at having to leave friends and family to stay with a non-primary caregiver.
- Children may feel overwhelmed and exhausted as they are shuffled back and forth between houses.
- They may wish they could "split themselves in half" so that each parent will be satisfied.
- A lot of kids will feel sad as they remember past Christmas’s and holidays when the family was still together.
- Kids may miss one parent while spending time with the other.
- They may feel guilty at leaving the other parent alone on a holiday.
- Lots of children feel responsible for making both parents happy. This is heightened at Christmas.
- Most children feel that it is their fault that their parents broke up and may try to get you back together.
- For many children, the coming together as one big happy family will only serve to build hope in the child's mind that maybe, their parents will get back together again.
- It’s common for children to believe that if they are really good mum and dad will remember how happy they used to be and get back to together.
- At Christmas we encourage our children to make big wishes – for many kids this is to wake up on Christmas morning with their parents back together.
- If you decide to spend Christmas with the other parent, make sure you sit down with your children in advance and explain that this is only going to happen because of the holidays. Be aware that even if you do this you may be setting your children up for a huge crash afterwards.
- Christmas and holidays are a hard time for children as it reinforces that their parents are not together.
- Some children conform to keep others happy and often don’t even know how to express their feelings about all that is going on. So on the surface everything seems to be okay in reality they may be experiencing a whirlwind of emotions.
- Some children will feel very stressed thinking about their two parents being in one house for an extended period of time. Children in general are protective of their parents. They may want to shield and protect either or both of you from arguments, tension and from being hurt again.
Related articles:
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10 Tips To Help Divorced Parents Survive The Holidays
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Useful Tips To Help Support Your Children Through Their First Christmas As A Separated Family
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