1. Encourage honesty and open communication
Invite your child to discuss their thoughts and feelings. Tell them it's important for them to share how they are feeling with you. Reassure your child that it's ok to feel angry, scared or sad and that you understand these feelings as you feel this way sometimes too.
2. Listen to your children
It's important for your child to feel that they're being taken seriously and are being heard. Let them voice how they feel and let them know they're feelings are valid - even if it's hard to hear what they are saying!
Help your children find safe and healthy ways to express these feelings. Younger children may find it hard to label their feelings, help them to do so through books and play.
3. Offer your children choices
When a family separates the children often are left feeling powerless. Where practical provide your children with the opportunity to make their own choices e.g. what to wear, food choices, weekend activities.
4. Provide consistency and routine
Children like routine and structure as it gives them a sense of security, stability and consistency. Simple things like the same meal and bed times can provide a real sense of safety and stability. If possible work with the other parent to maintain consistent rules and routines.
5. Avoid conflict with your ex in front of the children
Children become extremely distressed when you fight in front of them. If things are difficult between you and your former partner keep all communication away from the children and refrain from bad mouthing them to your children or other people in their presence. Consider using a tool like the Two Homes Organiser, which can help to remove the emotion from communication. Click here to learn more about the Two Homes Organiser.
6. Prioritise developing an amicable relationship with your ex
Developing an amicable relationship for the sake of your child may be tough at first but is the easiest way for your family to move forward. Being able to support your child's relationship with their other parent will greatly benefit them and help them to adapt to the separation.
7. Be a good role model
Show your child through your own actions the appropriate way to deal with your feelings. It's healthy for your child to see you cry, laugh or get angry, it's how you process and manage these feelings that's important.
8. Find support for yourself and your children
Don't be scared or embarrassed to ask for help, you're not alone! Talk to friends, family, counsellors, work colleagues. Getting help for yourself sets a great example for your children on healthy ways to adapt to change.
9. Don't lean on your kids for emotional support
It's very common for children to try to make their parent's feel better. No matter how tempting it may be, don't lean on your children for support. Let your kids be kids and turn to other adults for comfort and emotional support.
10. Don't let Guilt run your household
It is normal to feel guilty and worry about the effect your separation and divorce is having on your child. Be strong and don't try and buy their love or allow them to break your family rules or limits in an attempt to make yourself feel better.
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