Two Homes - information, resources and tools for separated parents and their families.

Dealing with divorce around the holidays is extremely difficult. The first year after the divorce, there is a great sense of missing something. Celebrating the first Christmas after the break up of a family can be traumatic and research shows that safe, continued, contact between children and the family members who are no longer living with them is important for your children’s well-being.

If possible, try to negotiate the time spent with your children over Christmas and involve your children in those plans. It’s not just what’s convenient for you – your children need to be happy with the arrangements too. Here are some useful tips to help support your children through the holiday season:

Always put your children first. Christmas is a time for children to enjoy themselves and have fun, not feel torn between their families.
Planning and good communication are the key to the success of Christmas. Children will feel happier if they know what is going to happen in advance.
Constantly reinforce to your children that you love them and that the separation is not their fault.
Help your children find safe and healthy ways to express these feelings. Younger children may find it hard to label their feelings, help them to do so through books and play.
The Christmas season is often busy and fill of late nights and disrupted routines, which can cause tension and anxiety in some children. Therefore it’s important to be consistent as possible with routines and discipline.
Be flexible and fair over Christmas with your ex and their family. Children need continuing contact with grandparents, aunts and uncles from both sides of the family. Accept that turn taking may have to take place.
If you aren’t spending Christmas day with your children, suggest having your own special day on a different date.
To avoid duplication of gifts try to co-ordinate with the other parent what gifts will be given. It can useful to also agree on a set budget so you avoid competing with your ex.
Include your kids in the planning. This will be more important as your kids get older as they want time to do their own thing as well.
If you are a resident parent make sure your ex knows about and has the opportunity to go to your child’s plays, music concerts, end of year events at school, etc. Competition between parents to attend events doesn’t benefit your child.

Useful Tips To Help Support Your Children Through Their First Christmas As A Separated Family