1. Be involved in your children's life.
Get involved in your children's school and extra curricular activities. Volunteer to help at school, go to sports games, school performances etc Make a special note of significant events, birthdays and celebrations. If you can't be there acknowledge the event with a call or a card.
2. Make yourself available
Encourage open communication and allow your kids to come to you whenever they need to.
3. Spend quality time with your children
Plan to spend one on one time with each of your children. Quality time together means more to your child than the latest toy.
4. Be reliable and consistent
Children need stability and consistency. If you make a promise make sure you stick to it. Something as simple as not ringing when you say you will can be devastating for a child.
5. Don't be afraid of discipline
As a parent it's your job to show your kids that they are accountable for their actions and behaviour. They may not like it at the time, but they will get over it and in the long run will respect you more for it.
6. Keep in frequent contact
Frequently remind your kids that you're thinking of them by calling, sending a letter, card or email.
7. Never pass on your time with your children
Spending time with your children is the best way to tell them that they are important to you. If you need to change a scheduled visitation, try and work with the other parent to make up the time.
8. Let your kids be kids
Don't burden your children with adults issues. If things are difficult between you and your former partner keep all communication away from the children and refrain from bad mouthing them to your children or other people in their presence. Consider using a tool like the Two Homes Organiser, which can help to remove the emotion from communication.
9. Let go of the guilt
Being a great dad has nothing to do with living in the same house as your children. Resist the urge to 'make it up to your kids' and instead focus all your energy on showing them that you're still there for them 110%.
10. Develop a reliable support network
Don't be too hard on yourself and think you have to be the perfect dad or do it on your own. Surround yourself with loving, supportive friends and families. Consider joining online and physical groups for advice, support and fun!
Two Home's Tips For Strengthening The Relationship With Your Child's Mother
- Focus on what's best for your kids, not for you or your ex!
- Don't use your children to relay messages to your ex or to act as a spy
- Be consistent and reliable - keep your promises, don't be late or miss child support payments
- Remember that you can't control your ex but you can control your own feelings and behaviour
- Minimise resentment by limiting comparisons. Does it really matter that she's got the 4bdrm family home and you're in a studio apartment?
- Be flexible and understand that things need to change. She can't help it if the kids get sick or she has to urgently go away on business.
- Avoid saying or doing things that you know will annoy her
- Give her the benefit of the doubt - at least for a while. Don't assume that she's doing things to deliberately hurt you.
- Openly communicate about the kids and encourage all information to be shared e.g. school reports, sports events etc.
- Don't assume you know how she will react - give her the benefit of the doubt
- Learn to compromise - make sure it's a two way street
- Avoid getting defensive
- Get professional help if you need it
- Forgive her for her part in the breakdown of your relationship and forgive yourself also
- Use tools like the Two Home's Organiser to help create positive communication and smooth transitions for the kids
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