1. It's not their fault
It's common for children to blame themselves for the breakdown of their parents relationship. Reassure them that the separation has nothing to do with them or anything they have done. You may need to remind them of this on a regular basis.
2. They can't change what's happening
Many children believe that they have done something that may have caused the separation or that they can bring you back together. It's natural for children to fantasize that their family will reunite. Be patient and supportive. Reiterate that you love them, but there is nothing they can do to 'fix' the family.
3. You don't love each other anymore
It may help to explain to your children that you used to love each other very much but no longer make each other happy. If you're comfortable doing so share with them the things you have done to try and make things work. Clearly explain that although the relationship between the two of you is over, the parental relationship will never end.
4. It's ok to love both mum and dad
Let your children know that they don't have to choose one parent over the other. Reassure them that a parent's love for a child is different than that between husband and wife and the love you have for them as your children will last forever.
5. Both mum and dad will continue to be part of your life
Let children know what the parenting schedule will be and how they can reach each parent. Reassure them that they can contact either parent whenever they feel the need to talk to them. If one parent chooses not to maintain involvement it's best to be honest about this. As hard and hurtful as this will be for your child they will be better off knowing the truth.
6. Inform them of how life will change
Explain to your children where they will live and with whom, where the other parent will live, when they will get to see each parent, how they can keep in contact with both parents, what's going to happen with school, sports and any other activities that they're involved in.
Comfort your children by explaining that you're going to try and make things stay as normal as possible and things will be more stable and predictable soon. To help your children process what's happening give concrete examples like Dad will take you to soccer on Saturday mornings and mum will still pick you up from preschool.
7. Questions are welcome
Your children may have many questions about what is happening. Try to answer them as honestly and simply as possible. If you don't know the answer, tell them that. Some children may have nothing to say, give them time to process what is happening and be open to questions at any time.
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