Once you have made the decision to separate there are a number of practical things you need to consider. it's important that you reach a short-term plan that covers parenting and financial issues.
As you may still be in shock and emotions intense, it may be difficult for you and your former partner to come to an agreement. If you need to, seek help from the family relationship centre, a mediator, lawyer or even a trusted friend or family member.
We Have Decided To Separate, What Are The Practical Things I Need To Consider?
Discussion items:
Children
- Where are your children going to live and who with
- What time the children will spend with the other parent
- How and what are you going to tell your children
- How best to support your children
To Read More About Helping Your Children Through Separation Click Here
To read more about children and the Law click here.
Living Arrangements:
- Who will stay in the family home
- How will the mortgage or rent be paid
Finances:
- What will happen to joint bank accounts and credit cards
- Child support payments
- Who will pay current bills and debts
To read more about financial considerations during separation and divorce click here.
Legal:
- Legal strategy: collaborative law, mediation, DIY
- Timeframes (taking in mind that you need to be legally separated for 12 months you can apply for a divorce)
To read more about legal considerations during separation and divorce click here.
Everything Is A Bit Of A Blur! What's The Most Important Thing For Me To Concentrate On?
It's normal to feel overwhelmed in some way shape or form. At the very least you and your family are experiencing great change and this can be disruptive at best. It is important that you take good care of yourself for your own well-being and that of your children.
Try to:
- Eat regular, nutritious meals (even if they are small!)
- Exercise daily and take advantage of those positive exercise endorphins
- Avoid excessive amounts of alcohol
- Keep in touch with friends and family - Don't isolate yourself
- Ask for help if you feel like you can't cope
- Find happiness in the little things (like your children's smiles)
Any Divorce Do's and Don'ts
DON'T
- Be too hard on yourself
- Plan your revenge (or plan it but Don't act on it!)
- Do anything that will inhibit a future parenting relationship with your children's other parent
- Isolate yourself
- Use your children as weapons or bargaining tools
- Lean on your children for emotional support
DO
- Reach out to friends and family
- Allow yourself to feel all your emotions
- Look after yourself
- Be honest with yourself and accept the role you played in the separation
- Give yourself time to heal
- Have fun, laugh, find pleasure in the simple things
- Ask for help when you need it
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